Strengthen willpower: 2 steps to more self-discipline without stress

“Where there’s a will, there’s a way,” they say. The only problem is that willpower is a limited resource and an energy reserve that we have to ration every day. [1] [1] Our willpower is not infinitely available: Muraven & Baumeister (2000): Self-regulation and depletion of limited resources: Does self-control resemble a muscle?  But what if you simply run out of willpower to keep going? 

In this article, you’ll learn why self-discipline is generally overrated as a guarantee of success and how to use your willpower more efficiently. We’ll also explain a new aspect of the famous marshmallow experiment that has too often gone unmentioned.

What is willpower?

You may have already heard of the marshmallow experiment. In it, children are given a marshmallow and left alone in a room. The rules: if the children wait until the adult returns before eating the treat, they will be rewarded with a second marshmallow. As you can see in the video, amusing and heartbreaking minutes follow, during which the children try with all their might to resist the sweet. Despite singing, holding their hands under their bottoms, and trying not to look at the plate, only a few children manage to leave the treat untouched.

Exercising willpower means delaying rewards. For example, if you resist the urge to buy a pretty blouse here or jeans on sale there, you can treat yourself to a holiday in Spain at the end of the year with the money you’ve saved. There, you can toast to your willpower with a cocktail in hand! The same principle applies when you exercise self-control to enjoy only two pieces of chocolate instead of devouring the whole bar. You may have a shorter pleasure experience now, but you’ll have all the more enjoyment in your beach body during your next holiday. 

In other words: if you don’t give in to your impulses, cravings, and emotions all the time, it may be difficult and you’ll experience less immediate gratification, but your long-term rewards will be all the greater. In addition to a beach holiday with a beach body, a healthy dose of self-control also makes you more successful in education, at work, and even in relationships. [2] [2] Willpower makes you successful: Tangney, Baumeister & Boone (2008): High Self‐Control Predicts Good Adjustment, Less Pathology, Better Grades, and Interpersonal Success 

How can I train my willpower?

Build a career, have a harmonious relationship, get a dream body – these goals are well worth resisting temptation and keeping your impulses in check, aren’t they? So grit your teeth and hang in there! You can do it!

This kind of motivational speech is one that many coaches use to appeal to your self-discipline. It may work – but only as a short-term strategy. Willpower is a limited resource, an energy reserve that we have to ration all over again every day. So if you’ve already resisted the box of doughnuts in your fridge in the morning and had to make several decisions at work, your willpower tank will already be pretty low by lunchtime. If you then eagerly reach for a burger instead of talking yourself into a salad, that’s only human. 

The secret to strong willpower 

The often-overlooked part of the original marshmallow experiment shows that willpower does not require superhuman self-control. [3] [3] Delaying gratification can also be done without effort: Mischen & Ebbesen (1970): Attention in Delay of Gratification   As described above, some children sat with wide eyes in front of the treat. In another test group, however, the experimenter took the tempting treat away again, and the children spent the 15-minute waiting period in an empty room – with the option to ask for a single marshmallow as a reward at any time. The difference was striking: in the first experimental setup, the children could only keep their hands off the treat for an average of six minutes. Without the temptation right in front of them, the average waiting time was a full eleven minutes. Out of sight, out of mind.

You can use your willpower just as wisely to remove some “marshmallows” from your life in the short term: hide sweets in the back of a cupboard, keep your bike keys ready instead of your car keys, or take the side street instead of walking past the shop windows of the shopping row.

Another example: if your phone is constantly within reach and a ping follows another, it would be a Herculean task not to quickly check whether it might be a message from your boss or your best friend... A clever way to conserve your willpower? Install app blockers so you only receive the most important of all important calls, put your smartphone completely on flight mode, or hide it in a soundproof box in the bathroom cabinet. This way, you only have to use willpower once to eliminate your phone as a distraction. Then you can invest your remaining willpower in your work or in a deep conversation with friends.

So one of the great secrets of self-discipline is: use your willpower to eliminate as many “marshmallows” from your environment as possible, not to resist them. We now have two steps for you to use your limited willpower more sustainably.

Willpower is man’s greatest strength, but the best strategy is not to rely on it in every situation. Save it for emergencies.  – Roy F. Baumeister

Step 1: Eliminate marshmallows and avoid bad habits

First, think about what your personal marshmallows are. To do this, think about typical everyday conflicts of conscience where you think, “I’d better not… turn on the TV, scroll through Facebook, order delivery, go to bed for a ‘quick’ nap…” 

How can you now arrange your environment so that these marshmallows simply no longer dance before your eyes and you hardly need any self-discipline to resist them? Get creative! Set up a workspace instead of lounging on the same couch where you also watch Netflix. With the help of the timer in the app blocker, you can allow yourself the delivery app only one day a week, so you can cook for yourself on the other days. At work, agree with your colleagues that you’ll cover the coffee machine with a cloth or hide it in a cupboard after 3 p.m. It may sound silly, but it works.

Step 2: Find marshmallow alternatives and build good habits

Unfortunately, deprivation rarely puts you in a good mood and also costs a tremendous amount of willpower. Therefore, find a healthy alternative for every eliminated marshmallow that also makes you a little happy and makes your inner critic more conciliatory: 

Instead of coffee, you can experiment with delicious varieties of tea in the afternoon (we highly recommend sunflower-blueberry tea) or switch to decaf coffee. Instead of having pizza delivered, you can subscribe to a healthy meal kit that lets you whip up quick dishes using a modular approach. Instead of sweets and chips, you can heartily reach for fruit and nuts. You are replacing one bad habit with a good – or at least better – habit.

Don’t be afraid to set the hurdles for a habit as low as possible. Forcing yourself to exercise every day with gritted teeth or to eat a salad costs you a lot of willpower. But how about taking a small portion of salad with you from the cafeteria from now on and eating it first? Or always taking the stairs to the second floor starting today? 

It takes about 66 days for something to become a habit. [4] [4] When does a habit become a habit? Lally, van Jaarsveld, Potts & Wardle (2009): How are habits formed: Modelling habit formation in the real world  In these 66 days, you need a little willpower to occasionally remind yourself of your goal. But the more attractive your alternatives and the lower the hurdles, the less you have to discipline yourself during this time. And once these good deeds have become second nature, you no longer have to fight inner conflicts with your inner critic. Instead, let yourself be carried by your habit autopilot through the duties of the day, without even thinking about it.

Here you’ll find eight more tips for developing good habits!

Stress-Free Self-Discipline

Life is difficult enough, so please don’t be too hard on yourself! Don’t try to banish all the marshmallows from your life at once and replace them all at once with good habits. Instead, tackle one marshmallow at a time.

How about hiding the alarm clock on the other side of the room so that you don’t fall into the endless snooze button trap in the morning? Or having your flatmates hide your snacks and only getting them back if you go for a half-hour jog. Or taking a look at our 6-Minute-Success Journal to achieve more with less willpower – without being exhausted.

And if you also work from home and have a good idea of how to take away the bed’s seductive charm, then feel free to write your tip in the comments!

You have to make things as simple as possible. But not easier.  – Albert Einstein

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This post is by Amelie Haupt. Thanks to her studies in business psychology, she is the “psycho-aunt” of the 6-Minuten-Verlag. Like her texts, her life is structured. She needs it when she’s on the road as a digital nomad again.

Sources:

[1] Our willpower is not infinitely available: Muraven & Baumeister (2000): Self-regulation and depletion of limited resources: Does self-control resemble a muscle?

[2] Willpower makes you successful: Tangney, Baumeister & Boone (2008): High Self‐Control Predicts Good Adjustment, Less Pathology, Better Grades, and Interpersonal Success

[3] Delaying gratification can also be done without effort: Mischen & Ebbesen (1970): Attention in Delay of Gratification

[4] When does a habit become a habit? Lally, van Jaarsveld, Potts & Wardle (2009): How are habits formed: Modelling habit formation in the real world