Recognising Negative Beliefs – How to Strengthen Your Thoughts

Who am I? What can I do? Who needs me? The others are better than me anyway. I'm going to fail no matter what.

Do thoughts like these sound familiar? If so, you've encountered what are known as "negative beliefs". Negative beliefs can exert enormous destructive power. Many problems and undesirable behaviours can be traced back to them, repeatedly getting in our way on the path to a better life.

Negative beliefs can be conscious. Then they usually appear in the form of an "inner critic", which shouts debilitating slogans like the ones mentioned above (or similar) loudly through our heads. However, there are also negative beliefs that lie dormant in the silence of our subconscious. From there, they control us unnoticed, so we don't necessarily even realise who and what is sabotaging us. Whether in the form of a carnival barker or an invisible spirit – negative beliefs can have such a bad influence on us that they can even eventually degenerate into illnesses such as depression. [1] [1] Embrace Your Inner Critic: Hal & Sidra Stone (1993): Embracing your Inner Critic: Turning Selfcritisism into Creative Asset

In this post, we'll look at how you can deal with the beliefs that are already conscious to you thanks to the loud voice of your inner critic.

He who feels the weakness of his cause tends to shout. – Otto Ernst

Resistance is futile

What does your inner critic say to you? How often does it visit? And how do you defend yourself against it? Do you try to ignore it? To temporarily appease it with half-hearted promises? If you had found a magic switch with which you could simply turn off these unpleasant feelings that the inner critic likes to trigger, you would certainly deserve a medal. As a rule, however, fighting against it is futile. At least according to the findings of Steven C. Hayes. Hayes is known as a leading developer of Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), or in German, acceptance and commitment therapy. [2] [2] Acceptance and Commitment Therapy: Stephen C. Hayes et al. (2011): Acceptance and Commitment Therapy and Contextual Behavioral Science: Examining the Progress of a Distinctive Model of Behavioral and Cognitive Therapy He suggests completely giving up the fight with the inner critic. After all, the pain that the inner critic often triggers is also a guide. It can show us where we need to start to recognise and fulfil our true needs. ACT is an approach that stems from traditional and cognitive behavioural therapy and aims to accept negative thoughts and emotions as part of life – and yet not let them hold us back.

The inner critic may shout – but we are not obliged to take its views seriously or blindly follow it.

If the inner critic is allowed to stay and fighting is no longer an option, then it becomes important to develop as good a relationship with it as possible. After all, it is not the content of our thoughts, but our relationship to them that significantly changes our quality of life. Thoughts come and go as they please, and that is approximately 60,000 times a day. [3] [3] Positive Thinking: Zeit (2015): We are focused on mistakes  

To improve the relationship with our thoughts, according to ACT, it can be helpful to recognise how fragile the credibility of our thoughts sometimes is. You can test it yourself if you like. Just open a window and say to yourself with full conviction: I cannot open this window. What do you think will happen to you? Probably the whole thing will seem quite silly to you. Probably you will open the window and, while still trying to convince yourself that you couldn't, ask yourself how you could even think something so stupid. After all, you see: reality and thoughts do not match at all. You know very well that what you think is not true. It is exactly this kind of relationship that you should also create for your negative beliefs – this sense of superiority, not having to take the negative voice in your head seriously anymore.

What we need to learn is to look at the thoughts and not from the thoughts. – Stephen C. Hayes

That is not so easy, because in everyday life there are many situations that seem tailor-made to give our negative beliefs a pompous appearance. A botched project at work, an uncoupled Tinder match, or our darling who hasn't called back for hours for no apparent reason. And already the bad thoughts are raging at full speed. Forgotten is the fact that it was merely one botched project out of ninety great projects. That an uncoupled match is not connected to our worth as a person. And maybe darling just had stress at work.

Negative beliefs like to trick us in Rambo fashion, they – and only they – reflect reality as it really is. They keep us trapped in a dangerous, imaginary world. How often have they already led us in our lives to not even dare to go near a certain "window of life", although we might have been able to open it without any problems? Just because we were convinced it wouldn't work anyway? Therefore, the rule of thumb is: 

If the voice in your head weakens you, then that is a signal to thoroughly question its truthfulness. First and foremost, a voice is just a voice. Nowhere is it written that voices always have to tell the truth or are inherently more omniscient than the Lord. 

How negative beliefs arise

Negative beliefs often go back to earlier experiences that led us to unfavorable conclusions about ourselves. A mean and loud laugh from Jürgen from 5a, because you once said something stupid in front of the whole group. Mum, who was once at her wit's end and said something hurtful that she didn't really mean. There are many ways in which a negative belief can take shape and eat into us. Above all, the words and stupid sayings of others have the annoying habit of burning themselves particularly deep into our memory. 

Many negative beliefs are repetitions of what others said to or about us. Opinions of others, which you never asked for and which are now wreaking havoc in you. Perhaps even for years!

Actively dealing with negative beliefs

The next time a negative belief haunts you, then just ask: Who is actually talking to me and who are you actually, that you can claim that? Is what you are telling me right now even true? Is what I am thinking really the only possible view of reality?

You are not responsible for what others said to you – regardless of whether they intended it or the whole thing was simply due to an unfortunate situation. That is why you are by no means obliged to believe these things any longer. If no one "answers" your questions, you can also give your negative belief a name and talk to it like an adult. The moment that negatively shaped you is long past. You have grown since then, you have developed further and now you have much more in control than perhaps at twelve. Ask your belief what positive intention lies behind its recurring appearance and what it needs to be able to coexist peacefully with you.

Questions like these could help: 

• Could it be that you want to protect me from something, such as (further) disappointments or rejections?  
• In what situations have you tried to help me and I did not recognise or sufficiently appreciate your positive intention? 
• How can I remember what you want to protect me from without making myself miserable? Can I rephrase you positively?

That might sound a bit crazy, but it is probably even crazier to let the same beliefs ruin your life for years, right?

We cannot change what happened to us in the past. The good news, however, is: The past is over. And we are allowed to check the conclusions we drew from these moments for their suitability at any time. Above all, we are also allowed to open the window of our mind and simply let them go. 

If you want to get even closer to your negative beliefs, then why not try expressive writing! You can find detailed instructions for this here.

This post is by Lena Schulte, full-time grin-back and online editor. Since her studies in cognitive science, she has been fascinated by human consciousness and likes to conduct secret perception experiments in the editorial office.

Sources:

[1] Embrace Your Inner Critic: Hal & Sidra Stone (1993): Embracing your Inner Critic: Turning Selfcritisism into Creative Asset

[2] Acceptance and Commitment Therapy: Stephen C. Hayes et al. (2011): Acceptance and Commitment Therapy and Contextual Behavioral Science: Examining the Progress of a Distinctive Model of Behavioral and Cognitive Therapy

[3] Positive Thinking: Zeit (2015): We are focused on mistakes