Self-Care for Mums: Not a Luxury, But a Necessity
Imagine you're on a plane and hear the safety instructions: "In case of emergency, put on your own oxygen mask before helping others." This phrase is used frequently in the 6-Minuten-Verlag because it beautifully illustrates that self-care is anything but selfish. After all, how can you be there for others if you can barely breathe yourself? For mums, this image couldn't be more fitting.
Theoretically, you know how important it is to look after yourself and your own needs. But once you become a mother, reality often looks different. Suddenly, there are little people who are completely dependent on you – and you automatically put their needs first. Meanwhile, what would do you good is far too often left behind. The big problem: Anyone who constantly gives without strengthening themselves will eventually have nothing left to give. Scientific studies even show that chronic stress and neglecting your own needs can not only affect your own mental health, but also the long-term well-being of the whole family. [1] This means: By taking good care of yourself, you are also indirectly taking care of your loved ones. So ask yourself every day: What would do me good right now? And then take a moment – no matter how small it may be.
Self-care doesn't have to mean relaxing at a spa for hours or taking long breaks. In fact, it starts much earlier, with the attitude you have toward it. To give yourself permission to take care of yourself, you first need an inner change. Only when you value yourself can you also accept help and create small routines that strengthen you in the long term.
3 Steps to Better Take Care of Yourself as a Mum
Step 1: Change Your Inner Attitude Toward Yourself
After all, self-care isn't about finding more time or taking a hot bath every now and then. It starts with believing that you are worth making that pause or taking a relaxing bath. It starts with self-worth. You have to believe that you are worth taking care of. Many mums feel they have only "earned" something once everything is done. As soon as the entire to-do list is checked off. But let's be honest: When will that be? There is always something to do and always someone you can take care of.
Imagine a friend told you she was completely exhausted but wouldn't treat herself to a break because the house wasn't perfect yet or the children were demanding a lot. Would you tell her: "Yes, that's true, there's still dirt in that corner and dishes are lying around too"? Probably not. So why do you allow yourself to have such thoughts about yourself?
Your needs are just as important as everyone else's
But how do you recognise your needs when they come after those of others and are perhaps even suppressed? Listen deeply within yourself and ask yourself honestly: Do you actively decide according to your own wishes, or do you mostly react to external demands?
Self-care begins with constantly feeling your own needs. Because only when you know exactly what you need can you make sure there is room for it in your life. A great exercise to reconnect with yourself is journaling. (And the best book for this is, of course, the 6-Minute-Diary *wink wink*). Here are 5 questions designed to help you rediscover yourself and your needs. If you answer them in writing regularly, it will become easier and easier for you to find honest answers and solidify such questions as thought patterns for yourself.
When was the last time you really felt good, relaxed, or energised? What were you doing at that moment?
What used to bring you joy that you no longer make time for today?
Are there small things in everyday life that give you a sense of lightness?
Which routines or moments help you arrive at yourself?
What do you regularly treat others to, but never yourself?
Step 2: Accept Help – and Ask for It
What does self-care have to do with help from others? Easy: The more support you get, the more time you have for yourself. So sit back and delegate everything? That would be nice. But seriously. Every mum can benefit enormously from connecting with others as best she can within her individual circumstances, asking for help, and accepting help.
We are simply far too often isolated and preoccupied only with our own doing. Our society also somehow conveys the feeling that motherhood comes with a certain shame in accepting help. "No, thank you, I'm fine!" echoes much more frequently through the hallway than: "Yes, please, that would be a huge relief." But that is exactly the point: No mother can handle everything unscathed on her own without completely putting herself and her needs last. Job, family, household, friends, sports, healthy eating... the ultimate challenge is to still appear to the outside world as if you simply have everything under control. If you feel called out here: Don't beat yourself up. Even the smallest reliefs can make a huge difference in total. Of course, not everything is feasible for everyone, as every network works differently. Here are still a few suggestions for inspiration:
- Create a daycare pickup plan together with other parents – sometimes you pick up the kids, sometimes someone else takes over. This way, everyone gets a little breather.
- See partnership as teamwork: Communicate regularly about whether the care work is fairly distributed. If not, change it as quickly as possible.
- Try a gym with childcare; this way you can regularly power yourself out properly without a bad conscience.
- Plan playdates so that not only the children benefit: Eating together as parents can also be fun, and so not everyone has to cook for themselves.
- Involve local seniors – many are happy to spend time with children and get small tasks.
- Arrange an emergency help contact with another mum: If something unexpected happens (train delay, appointment takes longer,...), you'll step in for each other.
Accepting help or asking for support is not a sign of weakness – but of healthy self-management. Take the first step and try saying "yes, please!" next time someone offers you support. You'll surely also meet many lovely people through private networking.
Step 3: Go from Permission to Action
Once you finally allow yourself to no longer neglect yourself, the next sticking point comes: lack of time.
If everyday life leaves hardly any room for "me-time", try regular "mini-me-times" instead. Even short breaks can be your personal energy booster – they help you stay balanced and resilient in the long term. Here are some self-care exercises that you can do in under five minutes:
A song that makes you happy: Music can lower stress levels and lift your mood. [2] Create a playlist with songs that make you feel better at the touch of a button. Listen to one song from this list consciously every day, sing or dance along, and do nothing else during its duration.
Lights out, mind too: If you can't really wind down before going to sleep either, you're not alone. Take the last 5 minutes before you close your eyes entirely for yourself. Put away your phone. Dim the lights and take a few deep breaths. You can also listen to a short meditation. This helps the body switch from function mode to sleep mode, and improves sleep quality – even if the night is not continuously peaceful.
Mini-gratitude check-in: Before you roll out of bed in the morning or turn off the light in the evening, ask yourself: "What am I grateful for right now?" It can be something big – or very simple: the warm blanket, a beautiful moment with your child, or the first cup of coffee. This little exercise helps to focus on the positive and ensures a relaxed start or end to the day. The best support for this routine is offered by the daily pages in your 6-Minute-Diary for Mums. In it, you get gratitude rituals that are adapted to chaotic everyday life as a mum and only take a little time. And if you have a minute longer sometime, 12 inspiring stories from mums like Sara Nuru, Joy Denalane, and Susan Sideropoulos will accompany you through every doubt.
Yoga Quickie: Yes, there are yoga routines that only take 5 minutes. If you make this sun salutation a morning habit, for example, that is enough to mobilise your joints, get your circulation going, wake up faster, and start the day more calmly. [3] Win-win-win-win situation.
Self-care begins in the mind
Important: Value yourself. Self-care is less a question of time – but of attitude. When you find your self-worth, you'll also find the time. You can accept help without a bad conscience and incorporate small self-care routines into your everyday life that bring real relief. So self-care is not a one-time to-do, but an interplay of inner attitude and concrete habits. When you start to show yourself the same care as others, you'll notice how much easier everyday life can feel.
____________________
This post is by Elena Rieder. She once found yoga a bit lame. That was, right up until she tried it herself for the first time. Since then, mindfulness has been an important part of her life, which fortunately also fits perfectly with the work at the 6-Minuten-Verlag.
Sources:
Leave a comment
Discover the 6-Minute-Journals
👉 Everything you can be is already within you.
Dominik Spenst, Author & Founder of 6-Minuten-Verlag