Training Emotional Intelligence: 6 Practical Tips for Children and Parents

Emotions accompany us throughout our lives. And even in adulthood, it is often still difficult to always identify and express them correctly. People who are particularly good at this are considered emotionally intelligent: Emotional intelligence describes the ability to perceive both your own feelings and the feelings of others, to understand them, and to deal with them consciously. Compassion, self-awareness, self-regulation and the ability to build relationships with sensitivity are the “soft skills” for this.

But while many adults have forgotten how to show their feelings unfiltered or even suppress emotions, children are astonishingly direct about them: they still experience joy, anger, fear, or sadness completely unadulterated. This uninhibitedness is a huge treasure that we must strengthen and preserve. However, children often lack the right words and the understanding of what is going on inside them. Feelings simply bubble out without them being able to name or categorise their causes. Numerous studies show: children who learn early on to name feelings, allow them, and deal with them are more resilient throughout their lives, develop more self-confidence, are more empathetic, and can even make friends more easily. [1] 

Feelings reveal themselves all the less the deeper they are. - Honoré de Balzac

You can read here how emotional intelligence can be fostered even in the very young.

Tip 1: Joint relaxation exercises

Lie down on your back together with your child – preferably on a soft surface. Now place a toy or a particularly beautiful stone on your chest and breathe in and out deeply together. With each breath, the object rises and falls slowly – like on a little boat ride. Focus only on that. This makes breathing visible and tangible for children, and the focus automatically shifts away from stress or anger. The exercise helps to organise thoughts, develop a better sense of the body, and develop a sense of mindfulness. During this time, you can also talk quietly about what you have experienced and what feelings were felt in the process.

Tip 2: Strengthen emotional intelligence with the 6-Minute-Diary for Kids

Perhaps you already know it: Our 6-Minute-Diary for Kids was developed to accompany children in their everyday lives in discovering and understanding their feelings. The diary alternates daily reflection questions, educational short stories, and fun exercises. This way, children learn playfully to pay attention to their feelings, reflect on their own experiences, and understand themselves and the feelings of others better. Completely without pressure, but with plenty of fun, the book also provides great starting points for conversations in the family. This way, you get to know each other a little better every day. 

Tip 3: Categorise feelings with the 6-Minute-Emotion Cards 

Big news from the 6-Minuten-Verlag: The Emotion Cards offer a great addition to the 6-Minute-Diary for Kids, but also work wonderfully on their own. You can play opposites memory with them, tell stories, start conversations, or come up with your own ways of using them. The cards help children to get to know the entire range of emotions better. The cute illustrations show that all feelings somehow, somewhere, at some point belong, and they assign them to typical situations. Quite incidentally, you learn to better understand your own feelings and perceive the feelings of others. This makes you empathetic, brave, and open, and is an important building block for emotional intelligence. 

Tip 4: Visualise emotions with a mood barometer

Children can often talk about feelings more easily when they get a visual aid. A simple "mood barometer" (for example, as a drawn thermometer on the wall, with different emotions painted on it) invites you to categorise your own mood daily. Each family member can put a clothespin with their name on it in the appropriate feeling zone. You can immediately see how the mood in the family is right now and recognise if someone might have had a bad day. This helps to avoid misunderstandings, conduct conversations more sensitively, and de-escalate arguments before they even arise. This way, the emotional atmosphere in everyday family life is shaped more consciously and respectfully.

Tip 5: Perspective-shifting role-play: “How does that feel?”

Empathy is an important component of emotional intelligence. You can use this exercise regularly in everyday life when interpersonal emotions are in the air: If your child tells you about a situation (e.g., an argument on the playground or among siblings), ask: “How do you think the other person felt about it?” or “What would you have wanted in their situation?” Feel free to role-play this with distributed roles and don’t overlook the needs of others in the process. This way, your child learns to perceive feelings in others and understand different perspectives. Taking on another’s perspective and “putting yourself in their shoes” are proven to be central drivers for the development of empathy. [2]

Tip 6: “Strong as a Tree” movement exercise

Emotional intelligence is also shown in how children deal with inner restlessness or strong feelings. You have probably already read how closely the body and psyche are connected. When we strengthen ourselves on the outside, it also strengthens our innermost self.  In this short body exercise, the child stands upright, feet firmly on the ground – like the roots of a tree. Then it slowly stretches its arms up and imagines how it remains stable despite storms and thunderstorms. Even if the wind blows all the stronger and perhaps moves a few branches back and forth, the tree remains steadfast and firmly rooted. Upright body postures and small strengthening rituals help children to develop self-regulation and the feeling of inner stability: resilience. Exercises like this are also helpful preventively in anxiety situations. [3]

We are never too old or too young to grow emotionally

A deep conversation in the evening, an honest look at the mood barometer, or laughing together about a mistake. With each of these moments, emotional intelligence grows. We not only learn more about our children’s feelings, but also discover new sides of ourselves. Because understanding, empathy, and mindfulness know no “too early” and no “too late,” they always arise when we give feelings space. In the end, it doesn’t matter whether every day runs perfectly harmoniously, but that we stay in conversation with each other, are curious, and learn together.

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This post is by Elena Rieder. She once found yoga a bit stupid – right up until she tried it herself for the first time. Since then, mindfulness has been an important part of her life, which fortunately also fits perfectly with her work at the 6-Minuten-Verlag.  

[1] https://www.child-encyclopedia.com/emotions/according-experts/emotional-development-childhood

[2] https://www.researchgate.net/publication/301172880_Entwicklung_der_Theory_of_Mind_in_der_Kindheit

[3] Friedrich, M., & Hahlweg, K. (2018). Körperhaltung, Achtsamkeit und Emotionsregulation bei Kindern. Praxis der Kinderpsychologie und Kinderpsychiatrie, 67(3), 181–196