I'm exceptionally good at being bad. Give me even the simplest life situation and I'll manage to fail ...

At least that's what I like to think. Especially after setbacks, when everything is going haywire inside me and my head is everywhere – just not with me. Then I look around at the others, how they master life, and think to myself: You really can't get anything right. Sure, that's nonsense. And maybe also a bit too passionate an affair with the victim role. Nevertheless, it does something to us when our mistakes are in our mental focus most of the time.  

You may have heard of negative beliefs before. These are those thoughts in our head that make life harder for us than it should be. They can disguise themselves so well that we often don't even consciously perceive them. That's why it's often a challenge to even recognise that a negative belief is standing in our way (more on how you can recognise negative beliefs can be found here). And as if that weren't enough, getting rid of these beliefs can also prove to be quite tricky. 

This post tackles exactly this challenge (or ideally, this metamorphosis). Because unfortunately, it's usually not enough to simply drill positive sayings into yourself until you can't take any more to get rid of a hindering belief. But there are other methods. The prerequisite is that you already know your negative beliefs. 

THE POSITIVE SIDE OF NEGATIVE BELIEFS

It's easier to accept things when we understand them. That's why it can be worth it to enter into a dialogue with our negative beliefs and explore them thoroughly. Because if a negative belief has accompanied you for ages and so mercilessly insists on its right to exist, then it often has its reasons. 

We may have been thinking to ourselves for years: I'm not good enough. Or: I will never find a partner and will stay alone forever. Or: I can't trust anyone. Even if we know with our mind that we are talking nonsense – these thoughts can really hurt deep inside us and can't just be easily conjured away with a Buddhist smile. 

However, there is also the possibility that negative beliefs don't just want to torpedo us, but pursue a positive intention: to protect us from disappointment and pain.

• If I think I will stay alone forever, that may make me sad on the one hand. On the other hand, I don't need to go on exhausting dates anymore – and thus spare myself a potential dive into the Tinder toilet and further frustration. Maybe I have had the experience that this frustration hurts much more than the thought of staying alone. At least I know what to expect.
• If I think I'm not good enough, I don't need to try things where I could potentially fail at all – and here too I protect myself from a (renewed) disappointment that can massively attack my self-esteem and would probably be harder to bear.
• If I think that all people are bad and want me harm, I have a firm worldview that gives me support, explanations, and answers in times of uncertainty. It makes the unpredictability of the world predictable and gives me a sense of control.

Maybe not every negative belief has an overarching protective function at first glance – but when I don't know how to accept an unpleasant belief, it often helps me to remind myself: My mind is fundamentally not working against, but for me.

POSITIVE AFFIRMATIONS AGAINST NEGATIVE BELIEFS 

Negative beliefs are inextricably linked to our self-esteem, because they tell us stories about our identity and how we see the world. If I have been thinking for a long time that I am not lovable, then that is a conviction that has dug itself deep into the emotional and identity world. For positive affirmations to work, we must also really believe them. A positive affirmation is also called self-affirmation, which we tell ourselves again and again to change our thoughts and ultimately our behaviour bit by bit. A few steps are helpful for this:

1. Formulate target belief

What do you want to think about yourself that really helps you in your life and gives you strength? Which old negative beliefs do you want to change how? Here are a few ideas:

No one loves me →  I am lovable and there are enough people who feel the same way.

I am not good enough → I am completely enough, even if I am not perfect. No one is perfect.

I will never make a career → I am a person capable of learning and have enough skills to make a career, even if the path is rocky.

2. Actively plan in the time factor

Our brain is a creature of habit. If we have had a certain negative thought about ourselves regularly for years, it will not disappear after two days. Here the key is patience, patience, and once again patience. 

Regarding the time factor and the power of words, neuroscientists Dr. Andrew Newberg and communication expert Mark Robert Waldmann have found the following in their studies [1] [1] Word choice and time factor: Words can change your brain  in their studies: The longer we occupy our consciousness with positive words and beliefs, the more other brain regions are influenced by them – and the more the way we perceive ourselves and our fellow human beings changes. Patience pays off in this case also for our fellow human beings.

3. Formulate step-by-step beliefs

If I had suddenly told myself every day that I was completely enough, I wouldn't have believed it so easily. After all, I lacked the experience that would have confirmed my positive affirmation. I needed a few (small) more steps. Steps that did not trigger resistance in me. So I tried step-by-step beliefs. They looked like this:

I am not good enough – I am good enough sometimes – I am good enough now and then – I am more good enough than bad – I am completely enough

As soon as I had found enough evidence in my life that I "am good enough sometimes" and could really believe it, I moved on to the next step and so on. What is important here is a general openness to the fact that the old, harmful belief may not be as true as I always thought.

The 6-Minute-Success Journal can specifically help you to record your success steps in changing your negative beliefs. For example, you can focus for a few weeks on repeatedly reinforcing a positive (partial) belief and actively writing down the moments in which you have experienced something that confirmed your positive belief. 

What is a negative belief that you really want to change? And what will your first step be? Feel free to write your (first) successes in the comments. 

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This post is by Lena Schulte, full-time grinning face and online editor. Since her studies in cognitive science, she has been fascinated by human consciousness and likes to conduct secret perception experiments in the editorial office.

Sources:

[1] Word choice and time factor: Newberg, Waldmann (1994): Words can change your brain