The 11 Best Relationship Guides That Will Really Help You

Supposedly everyone knows exactly why things are rocky in your relationship. Or why you're still single. Your best friend, your new colleague, your great-aunt, or the brash dating coach on YouTube: they all have tips for you on how you can do better in the future. 

Are you fed up with unsolicited advice from people who haven't walked in your shoes and are instead looking for genuinely well-founded expert tips? Then this article is made just for you.

We at the  6-Minute-Team are convinced that good relationships are not a matter of luck, but can be learned. That's why we have compiled the 11 best books on relationships for you. By the way, this is not just about love, but about relationships of all kinds, whether with your colleagues, your friends, or your family.

1. Stefanie Stahl – Everyone Is Capable of Relationships

You're newly in love and floating on cloud nine. This time, you're sure it's the right one. But just a few weeks later, your rosy cloud turns into a thunderstorm – and you wonder if it's your fault that your relationships keep failing.

In her perennial bestseller, Germany's most famous psychotherapist Stefanie Stahl shows you how you can take your happiness into your own hands. She explains what childhood experiences have to do with love and gives you practical exercises that strengthen your ability to form relationships. 

 This relationship guide is for you if:

• you are curious about what relationships have to do with childhood experiences 
• you feel that the problems in your relationships keep repeating themselves 
• you want to work on yourself and your self-esteem 
  

2. Gary Chapman – The 5 Love Languages

Love is a decision that must be made anew every day. – Gary Chapman 

Do you communicate in love in one or more languages? And we don't mean whether you speak Turkish or Vietnamese with your sweetheart :-) The successful couples therapist Gary Chapman discovered through years of working with couples that we all express love differently. And if your partner speaks a different language than you, it can easily lead to misunderstandings.

The classic “The 5 Love Languages” has already been translated into 60 languages. With many practical examples, Gary Chapman explains why things are rocky in many relationships and how you can overcome your differences together. 

 This partnership guide is for you if:

• you wonder where the initial infatuation in your relationship has gone – and how to find it again
• you want to truly understand not only yourself, but also your partner  
• you want sound advice from one of the world's most respected couples therapists 
  

3. Eva-Maria Zurhorst – Love Yourself and It Doesn't Matter Who You Marry

You used to talk all night long, now you just sit together in front of the TV and keep silent. The air seems to have gone out of your relationship, and sometimes you just want to throw in the towel?

Not so fast, advises couples therapist and bestselling author Eva-Maria Zurhorst in her book with the provocative title. She is convinced: Many divorces are unnecessary. With the right strategies, many relationships can not only be repaired, but taken to the next level. And in her book, she tells you how it works.  

This relationship guide is for you if:

• you have taken off your rose-coloured glasses and are ready to look at love realistically
• you want to save your love
• you want to grow from the difficulties in your partnership, instead of simply giving up 

4. Robin Norwood – When Women Love Too Much 

He calls out of the blue and tells you how much he misses you. You quickly throw all your plans out the window to meet him. In doing so, you conveniently forget that he hasn't contacted you for weeks after your last date ...

The title may sound a bit like outdated gender roles, but this book from the 1990s is a classic among relationship guides and cannot be left off the list. Robin Norwood's bestseller is aimed primarily at women who repeatedly fall into the vortex of self-destructive relationships. The author explains how you can distinguish a healthy relationship from a toxic one and finally break free from unhealthy patterns. 

This relationship guide is for you if: 

• you feel that you are taken advantage of too often in love
• your own interests are neglected in relationships 
• you are convinced that your happiness depends on your partner 

5. Marshall B. Rosenberg – Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Lifes

Anger shows me two things: I would like to have something that I don't get, and I blame someone else for it. – Marshall B. Rosenberg 

Piles of coffee cups, broken promises, or the feeling that you are doing more work around the house or at work than everyone else. There are many triggers for arguments. A critical, thoughtless remark leads to the next, and before you know it, there's a huge fight.

To resolve conflicts better from now on, you can use a method that has already been successfully applied in conflict zones around the world. Nonviolent communication, developed by Marshall B. Rosenberg, focuses on understanding and active listening. Threats, blame, and accusations have no place in a conflict conversation. 

This book is for you if:

• you want to learn one of the most powerful communication techniques that is suitable for almost all life situations 
• arguments frequently occur in your relationship and you don't know why
• you are interested in the topic of mindfulness in language
  

6. John Gottman – The Measuring of Love: Trust and Betrayal in Romantic Relationships

How did your grandparents manage to have a happy marriage that lasted half a century? Why is the average expiration date of your own relationships less than a year?  

Relationship researcher John Gottman has insightful answers for you. In his book, he brings together findings on love that he gathered by analysing thousands of couples on video for many decades, and gives you tips on how you can improve your relationship with your partner even in difficult times. 

This relationship guide is for you if:

• you want to know exactly how relationship problems affect your pulse or biorhythm 
• you want to have a better sense of when you should break up and when you shouldn't 
• you are looking for an honest self-test about the status of your relationship (which you can fill out directly in the book) 
  

7. Alain de Botton – Partnership: Not a Matter of Luck  

In numerous romance movies, you are led to believe: As soon as you find Mr. or Mrs. Right, great happiness is preordained. However, real life is anything but Hollywood. The real relationship work only begins after the final scene has already been filmed ...  

Writer and philosopher Alain de Botton explains to you why successful relationships are not based on intuition or innate abilities, but are completely learnable. With this book, you will get all the most important skills you need for love. 

This relationship guide is for you if: 

• you are open to food for thought from the fields of philosophy, psychoanalysis, literature, and art 
• you are looking for a book that is still very understandable and easy to read 
• you are a fan of the international educational institute “The School of Life,” for which the author is one of the most prominent thinkers
  

8. Ichiro Kishimi – You Don't Have to Be Liked by Everyone

Do you sometimes feel like a prisoner of your relationships too? What do your colleagues think of you? Why do you have to do this or that? If this applies to you – and only a few people truly feel free from the judgment of others – you should definitely read this book.

In his unique global bestseller, philosopher Ichiro Kishimi explains in a very entertaining way how you can live a self-determined life free from the expectations of others. The book is not a relationship guide in the classical sense, but a guide written in dialogue form for everyone who bends over too often just to please others.  

This book is for you if:

• you hold back your own wishes and needs too often 
• you want to learn how to stay balanced even in difficult situations 
• you want to learn more about the theories of Alfred Adler, the great pioneer of the mindfulness movement, in an entertaining way
  

9. Philippa Perry – The Book You Wish Your Parents Had Read (and Your Children Will Be Glad You Have Read It)

A small child throws itself on the floor in a crowded supermarket and screams at the top of its lungs because it didn't get a surprise egg. Everyone has surely observed such a situation. And surely you have noticed (or you know it from personal experience), that parents react very differently to such stressful moments: calmly and composedly, threateningly, angrily, or comfortingly.

But how is it that some people can be empathetic, while others are very quickly triggered? According to psychologist Philippa Perry, our own parenting behaviour has a lot to do with our early childhood conditioning. Her guide is aimed at everyone who wants to have a loving relationship with their children or understand their parents better. 

This book is for you if: 

• you want to recognise your own behavioural patterns that make your family relationships difficult 
• you want to learn from your parenting mistakes 
• you want to approach your own parents in a more conciliatory way
  

10. David Schnarch – The Psychology of Sexual Passion

I cannot change my way of living by thinking. It is the other way around: I live, and thereby my way of thinking changes. – David Schnarch

Tonight you're just not in the mood for sex. Too tired. Unshaven legs. Plus, the football match is about to start. There was a time when you and your partner used to pounce on each other at every free moment... That was a long time ago. 

Please don't let the surname put you off: David Schnarch is a highly recommended, leading sex researcher, and in his guide he helps couples rediscover and revolutionise their sexuality. But it's not just about sex, but also about intimacy and emotional fulfilment in long-term relationships – because ultimately, the two are closely linked.

 This relationship guide is for you if:

• you want to bring more sexual spark back into your relationship 
• you want to learn about real pioneering work on the treatment of sexual problems
  
• you want to better understand how your everyday relationship life is reflected in your sex life
  

11. Dossie Easton & Janet W. Hardy – The Ethical Slut

Don't feel like forcing yourself into societal roles? Prefer to set your own rules in relationships? Then this book is perfect for you.  

In “The Ethical Slut” it's about relationships beyond traditional, binary monogamy. The word slut is not meant pejoratively, but describes people who fully live out their sexuality. The book provides you with answers to questions that may have been burning you for a while. For example, how to deal with jealousy in an open relationship, communicate honestly, and set fair rules. 

This relationship guide is for you if: 

• you are looking for a book that gives you new food for thought on the topic of sex and love 
• you want more sexual freedom away from traditional, also heterosexual preferences 
• you want to know how alternative relationship models work in practice and what challenges they pose to you

Which relationship guide best suits you and your current life situation? Feel free to leave us a comment about which book you like best and whether there are any other relationship guides that have positively changed your life. 

When we think of relationships, we think of friends, family, colleagues, and our better half. But your relationship with yourself is the foundation for all your bonds, because only when you are balanced and satisfied yourself, does that also enrich the people around you. A top tool in terms of self-love and self-reflection, which supports you in developing a positive relationship with yourself, is the 6-Minute-Diary:

If you are interested in the topic of personal development, we have 12 great books for more self-love, which will help you move forward in life.

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This post is by Maria Röckmann. While studying journalism Down Under, she one day held a microphone in front of a man's face, fell in love with him, and stayed there. When she's not roaming the playgrounds in Brisbane with her children, she writes for the 6-Minuten-Verlag or works on her first novel.